Welcome to my first blog post. Sat here with my laptop cross legged on the sofa, kiddies in bed, fiancé sprawled next to me suffering from man-flu and e-cig on stand by (terrible/occasional habit)… I begin.
For years I have followed and enjoyed all types of blogs, mostly mummy/parenting pages. Reading to gain advice, laugh and connect with honest, relatable posts that remind me I am not alone! I admire the real mums and dads out there documenting this crazy journey of parenting.. blogging to create a space to write whatever you choose, having the balls to share thoughts and opinions and a place to look back at those special moments. I have decided this is something I would really like to do and I will give it a daaaamn good go.
So.. where to start? Well, first of all I am not here to romanticize my life and blog how I the most PERFECT mummy, with a PERFECT house and PERFECT children (although they are pretty bloody amazing! insert hearts for eyes emoji) I am a real, flaws and all, slightly ditsy but pretty normal mama who makes mistakes but does the best I can bringing up my two precious little monsters. A lot of people say I live with my head in the clouds, laid back and can always finding the positive in most situations (hence the blog name – clever me hey?!) My very loved ones know and I am aware that I am also quite sensitive, emotional and can worry A LOT and it takes hard work to keep a sunny attitude.
I would like a good chunk of my first blog post to be about me as a mum and how it all began as raising children is the most important, fulfilling part of my life. I always knew I wanted to have a family and be a young mother, but when I saw that blue line confirming I was pregnant with Lucas (now 5) I was SCARED. He wasn’t planned, and although in a happy, long term relationship, I was only 22 and meant to be leaving my job as a hospital Auxiliary Nurse job to study Nursing at Bournemouth University. Every question went through my head – How the hell can I be a mum when I cant even keep a fish alive? (RIP sooty and sweep…) How will we manage financially?! What will my friends and family say?! How will I go to work?! How will i fit a baby out of my …?!?! But anyway, from the moment I did that test, I KNEW I was going to be having that baby, that this was meant to be and everything would fall into place. Bye bye freshers nights, parties, cigarettes, sleeping in and spending all my money on clothes.. HELLO beautiful baby Lucas and my new life as a young mum..
I truly believe becoming a mum was the making of me. Before, I kind of drifted about an awkward, selfish life and never felt I truly fitted in or knew what I wanted to do. Most of my friends went to Uni when school finished and as this wasn’t right for me at the time (obviously nothing to do with getting kicked out of Grammar School sixth form…) I began working full time at 17 and living on my own. I had many friends, an awesome family and a buzzing social life, but always felt something was missing. Many folks feel this way and for some its a certain career, or the need to travel the world. When I had Lucas, I felt this gap was filled. Bringing another human into this world and feeling that unconditional, heart wrenching love is absolutely indescribable and the best thing that ever happened to me. I was so proud of myself and felt like superwoman in those early years, put on earth to raise this amazing child and be the best mother I could be. I forgot about everything else and lived only for him, although I felt blissfully happy I kind of forgot about ‘Roxanne’ and what made me an individual, not just Lucas’s Mummy. Sorry, rather intense.. but fellow mamas.. hopefully some of you know exactly what I’m talking about.
As Lucas got older, my feelings for him only grew but luckily I started to rediscover ‘me’ again. I took more pride in myself, my job as a Health Care Assistant and cherished the time with my partner and my friends. I believe staying ‘you’ is SO important when becoming a parent, its bloody hard to keep a healthy balance but truly the best thing for you, and your child. Happy mummy = happy baby, my BIGGEST mantra.
So when Lucas was a toddler, along came my incredible Princess Ava. This time planned (which does NOT mean the same questions and worries don’t go through your head FYI…) She completed our little family and I was so excited to be raising a little girl. I LOVE having two children, they drive me completely mad of course but I don’t know what I would be doing without them in my life, it would be a hell of a lot quieter, but definitely not as fun. I enjoy all aspects of parenting although it’s hard and I probably moan about it a bit (sometimes a LOT) but it makes me feel alive and gives me the greatest purpose.
Unfortunately, just after Ava was born I became single mum, not by my own choice (that’s another story, maybe for another day…) and through dark times my strength and limits were truly tested.
Through what I have been through, my kids have been my angels. Life now can be difficult at times just like everyone else’s, but my children and myself are healthy and happy, I have met my true prince (an amazing, yummy, rugby playing/building trade prince!!) I have the MOST amazing support network including my gorgeous family and best friends. I am developing so much in a new job and where I would like to go career wise is much more clear. I still have a LONG way to go of course, but who doesn’t?! Every cloud has a silver lining….(ermm yes that’s is a reference to the blog name! Cringe..) I am aware this is starting to sound like a sob story/motivational speech but please bear with me!
I believe life is a journey, and much like parenting I have discovered we are always adapting and forever learning. There are so many different ways to live, and to parent but you have to find the way that works for YOU and what gives YOU happiness.
I hope you have enjoyed reading my first blog post/introduction and will continue to follow my journey, and read my ramblings. I’m not entirely sure what this blog will contain yet, but I think that is the whole point?!
Til next time,